i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
