best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
