i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
