Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
