I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
