They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
