I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
