I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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