Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
