Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
