I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
