did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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