Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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