true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
