i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
