is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You smell like stripper and shame
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
