Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
