Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
