They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
