Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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