The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Randomize
