i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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