my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
