I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
