just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
