I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Rumble strips road head = magical
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
