At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I believe in your delicious
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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