Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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