At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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