no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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