Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
