Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
