i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
