Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
