so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
