Someone shit on the floor
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
