I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
