We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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