whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
