so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
