Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
