Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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