Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
