Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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