well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
