The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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