you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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