Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
