My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
