OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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