i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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