I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
