that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
