I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
