Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
