Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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