Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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