Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
