Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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