I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
