Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
