You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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