so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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