The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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