a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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